Thursday, December 23, 2010

sup


this is the cooking with ari/pooping with ari blog. (if you know how to stop constipation, hit us up). i started eating when i was born and i haven't stopped since. i started cooking during the summer so i could play tf2 (team fortress 2) but keep my energy up. i wanted to get the new flame thrower so i could sneak up on people from the back (but it didn't have the wind blower). so i'd play tf2 a lot, but i was losing energy, so i had keep my energy up so i could shoot the head shots. with the flame thrower. i learned my skills from mlgs (MAYA LIVIA GOLDBERG SAFIR). you know what's a great dish by mlgs? the kettle chip challah sandwich. great dish. welcome to the greatest cooking blog in the history of the planet.
ari would like to plug his blog: porn.com


EXCLUSIVE INTRODUCTORY INTERVIEW WITH MASTER CHEF ARI

maya: how would you describe your cooking technique, ari?
ari: really, you dont wanna use too much microwave. you wanna use more heart than microwave.

maya: but don't you use the microwave like every time?
ari: i mean, it's like a spice. you know, like you use salt every time, but you're not supposed to use too much of it. i'm really inspired by rachel ray, she's my role model. i wanna get a sex change and look just like her.

maya: what else has inspired your culinary career?
ari: i really like the eating-dog culture of food.

maya: have you ever tried dog?
ari: no, but it still inspires me anyway. like i don't want to dress up as gene simmons and be kiss but i am still inspired by kiss. i'm also inspired by law order because... i do it for the victims.

maya: what genre of food do you cook?
ari: i would say, jazz rock fusion.

maya: whats the best thing you've ever made?
ari: ooh! cheese, chocolate and bolani. it's called the welcome home dish.


FIRST RECIPE

you have, uh, trader joe's white corn tortilla chips
leftover cactus guacamole
jack and cheddar cheese

you microwave that for about 32.9 seconds and eat it like you're about to go watch a really good episode of law and order: svu.